Well, there’s only so much I can do to make a blog post about
thesis statements interesting, so prepare yourselves for some irrelevant
Michael Jackson gifs dispersed throughout.
I’m sure most of you have had some sort of instruction on
thesis statements, but often, students will be taught simplistic methods for
developing a thesis that they sort of latch onto rather than using the beginner’s
method at first and then evolving toward a more complex method of thesis
development. Think about giving your thesis a makeover. That look you had going in high school was fine for back them, but it just isn't working for you anymore now that you're a collegiate superstar. Time to take it to the next level!
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| Michael's excited about your strong thesis! |
So what makes a strong thesis?
- Promotes thinking: leads you to arrive at ideas, rather than just stating the obviou
- Reduces scope: separates useful evidence from the mass of details. (Sometimes students think, “I know, I’ll write a really general thesis, so I can add additional content to my body paragraphs if I need to,” but this creates a watered-down, vague argument).
- Provides direction: helps you decide what to talk about, what to talk about next, and what NOT to talk about. Imagine little arrows going from your central argument (thesis) to the analysis portions of your body paragraphs. Each new piece of analysis should build on that central argument.
Now, let’s take a look at what makes a not-so-strong thesis:
- Attaches
you too early to a too-large idea so that you stop actually seeing the evidence
in its
real-life complexity or thinking about the idea itself
Get outta here, Three-Point Thesis! - Produces demonstration rather than discovery of new ideas by making the same overly general point again and again about a range of evidence
- Includes too much possible data without helping you see what’s most important to talk about. You really want to avoid facts or lists in your thesis. Save your paragraph topics and information for your body paragraphs.
A strong, productive thesis…
- usually contains tension, the balance of “this” against “that.”
- often begins with a grammatically subordinate idea that will get outweighed by a more pressing claim: “Although X appears to be about Y, it’s actually arguing Z.”
- avoids listing (like a 3-point thesis/5-paragraph essay).
- uses active verbs and specific nouns.
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| May your thesis be as strong as the screws in MJ's shoes. |
Here are some examples of strong and weak thesis statements
that relate to our course theme:
Weak:
Homelessness can be caused by circumstances, mental illness, or addiction.
Strong: While
homelessness is a pervasive problem in American society, homeless female vets
are an especially vulnerable population.
Weak: The
upper class lifestyle isn’t all it seems to be.
Strong: One
might assume that a child raised in the upper class has it all, but upper class
children struggle in a variety of ways.
For your comment EITHER post your working thesis statement you're thinking about using for your SSI OR comment on two students' thesis statements, providing helpful/constructive feedback. Also, feel free to share your favorite Michael Jackson song/video.
My thesis statement is...
ReplyDeleteAlthough undernutrition is not the main cause of health concerns, so many in the lower class suffer from poor health due to undernutrition and something should be done to combat it in the lower class.
Tyler Young
You have a good transition two your point about undernutrition. Perhaps you should hint more as to what should be done about it though.
DeleteI like your thesis, as it can apply to a range of things like medicare and other government programs that people generally hate sine they don't see value in it, but your topic addresses some health concerns that if the poor had enough money they wouldn't need medicare as much.
DeleteI like the direction you are taking with your paper and believe that your thesis is a great starting point to accurately cover this topic.
DeleteYou're on the right track here, but keep playing with the wording a little. You're undercutting your argument with the beginning of the phrase, if that makes sense.
DeleteMy thesis statement is...
ReplyDeleteAlthough undernutrition is not the main cause of health concerns, so many in the lower class suffer from poor health due to undernutrition and something should be done to combat it in the lower class.
Tyler Young
Your topic seems very unique, and I like that. Your thesis is also very solid, and it is good that you mention that undernutrition needs to be combatted rather than just solved in one fell swoop.
DeleteAlex Shank
Although the unequal wealth distribution for lower class minorities is seen to be less dramatic in this generation than previous generations, the wealth gap has widened and the lower class minorities are at a larger disadvantage than before
ReplyDeleteAli Razvi
I think we need some clarification as to who is seeing this as less dramatic if it's actually widened.
DeleteMy thesis statement is, the middle class have lost its advantage as the main labor force of manufacturing, which lead to the middle class become more vulnerable in front of big corporation。
ReplyDeleteYutong Liu
I like your thesis statement because it adds some direction to what you're going to talk about (how the middle class is more vulnerable in front of big corporation) and what you're not going to talk about (i'm assuming you will make little mention regarding the lower and upper classes). This aspect of your thesis statement is, from what I read, part of what makes a strong thesis statement. Good Job!
DeleteKeep working on the wording, but strong central argument!
DeleteContrary to popular belief, intergenerational economic mobility hasn't changed in over forty years, hard data supports this and proves that every American has the opportunity to improve their lot in life.
ReplyDeleteWow, this is a surprising argument, but that's great. You want the reader to feel like they're about to read something original and be excited.
DeleteMy working thesis is:
ReplyDeleteAlthough some markets are segmented either geographically or demographically, most of the market segmentation completed nowadays is done on the basis of social class.
I think that your thesis is very good and is a unique perspective given the topic of the class.
DeleteA good way to check to make sure your thesis is orginal enough is to ask yourself, "Would a rational person be able to disagree with this?" I'm thinking that most people would assume that market segmentation is directly related to class, so I'm wondering if you can find an angle that leaves more room for exploration.
DeleteMy working thesis statement:
ReplyDeleteEducating society concerning the homeless issue is a start to decrease homelessness in America, as with higher exposure to the homeless crisis, morality and sympathy would be cultivated, leading to increased ways in helping the homeless.
I'm a little hung up on the wording here since we have a lot of language packed into this one sentence. It seems like your central argument involves the connection between education about homelessness leading to greater empathy. I'm wondering if you can think of a more original angle, since most rational people would agree that educating people on a social issue would make them more likely to respond with empathy.
DeleteMy working thesis:
ReplyDeleteAccess to education is influenced by socio-economic status, which has implications for student success in the long-term.
This is a good point for your thesis statement. It makes it hard for the lower class to ride to a higher socio-economic class.
DeleteThis is a good starting point, but let's try to narrow this quite a bit. Maybe focus on one particular implication.
DeleteMy working thesis is:
ReplyDeleteWhile in this generation the poorer haven't really be come more poor, the wage gap and overall earnings between the classes has seen to slip away and have widened vastly, with the lower class non white individuals staying at an increased disadvantage to the rest of the nation.
I'm a little unclear on what the argument is here, so maybe work on more effective, efficient wording.
DeleteMy working thesis:
ReplyDeleteIn American society, the difference between how the rich and poor view their problems can be mitigated through awareness.
I think we can get a sharper focus that what I'm seeing here. Awareness is a pretty general concept, so try expounding on that a bit more.
DeleteWorking Thesis:
ReplyDeleteThe housing market has always been volatile, recent actions throughout the 21st Century make it more precarious to personal and international markets.
Also "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" has got to be Michael's best song. Hands down.
-Christopher Brown
This is good, but I wonder if you can get even more specific than "recent actions." Do you mean post-housing bubble policies? Mortgage or banking reforms? Increased or decreased regulation?
DeleteAnd DSTYGE is excellent, but also consider "Black or White" which has a music video staring the Home Alone kid.
My working thesis is:
ReplyDeleteThe wealth gap in America is already too large to traverse, and it is only getting larger.
What are the implications of this? What reasons cause the large wealth gap? I think that by adding this to the statement would produce a solid argument that contains a strong foundation as well as a good starting point to expand.
DeleteVery true. The wealth gap is a ultimate struggle. They realeased a weather statement about carbon levels in the USA. This is what's causing the rapid changes in climate. For some reason the changes are a lot more rapid in the north. Does that mean the north is more polluted and that we might see a line of poverty form in the United States as all the land in the north will lose value and be full of poverty stricken people. This could ultimately cause another war.
DeleteTommy and Jaxon are definitely on the right track here, asking questions that might help narrow the broadness we're seeing here.
DeleteWorking Thesis:
ReplyDeleteThe division of sports among social classes in America Is driven by availability of resources, cost of participation, and presence of opportunities
I like your thesis as someone who follows sports i can definitely see the divisions and the types of people that are generally associated with certain sports, like sailing or lacrosse or basketball. I like that you're taking an approach to showing social class in something that most feel is solely based on talent and showing how that a large part of it is probably talent but a larger portion is based on sheer availabilty, it parallels what happens to the poor finically. Most believe that it is because they are lazy and thats not generally the case, it just happens they cant lift themselves up, likewise a poor man might be the best polo player to live but since he never has the opportunity to play, people think he is bad at polo.
DeleteI like the idea here, but remember we want to be moving away from the listing type of thesis statements.
DeleteMy working thesis is:
ReplyDeleteAlthough many hardworking parents of poor families try their best to give their children the best education possible, poverty is often restrictive, preventing maximum educational growth.
Elizabeth (Liza) Goedde
Can you think about how to make this argument a little more nuanced? I think most rational people would agree that poverty restricts educational growth, so how might you complicate this argument?
DeleteMy working thesis statement:
ReplyDeleteEven though the poor child gives a lot of effort in succeeding in life, due to poverty, the child cannot go further than most of wealthy children do.
Aida Rosli
This is very much true, it is not certain that a child will succeed in life even if they give it all they have, just because of their 'status'. Although I agree, a if the thesis was elaborated more, it would be better.
DeleteYes, I agree, Raynald, we need to be thinking about a specific aspect of poverty that creates a specific negative outcome, so the thesis can have a clear, focused direction.
DeleteMy working thesis is:
ReplyDeleteThe mobility of American social class is still reducing and government needs to fix the related problem as soon as possible.
What are these problems? I feel that it is important to add forward direction when conducting a thesis statement, adding reasons within the statement add for cohesive expansion.
DeleteGreat insight, Tommy. I would recommend thinking about one specific way you are arguing for the goverment to help alleviate the problem of class immobility.
DeleteThesis:
ReplyDeleteAlthough general access to education is important, one of the best ways to change socioeconomic status in America is through quality education and a community that supports it.
Yes I agree but one of the biggest changes that needs to happen come from money. Places such as the school we attend now doesn't let you go straight into learning what's actually needed to be learned. Instead they re teach us the same stuff we've always been taught. Why? To take our money. Because we shouldn't be required to go to school as long as we do but we do anyways because that's the way they made it and what does it bring in for them. A whole bunch of student debt.
DeleteHm, I'm a little confused by the structure of this sentence since "Although" signfies contrast but I'm not seeing two opposing ideas that are creating tension.
DeleteWorking thesis:
ReplyDeleteThe Socioeconomic ladder is something that seems more difficult to climb than it is to fall down due to possible chronic stress, ethnicity or education.
This thesis does a very good job at focusing on the difficulties of social mobility, and then providing reasons for these difficulties.
DeleteThis might be too expansive since you have three major factors here. Is there any way to narrow?
DeleteMinorities have more of an adverse circumstance than non minorities when it comes to wealth distribution between the classes.
ReplyDeleteI like your thesis in that it's simple and get's to the point and does not add too much overwhelming detail. However, maybe I'd add more information regarding which social class in particular you will be talking about the most throughout your paper. I'm assuming that you will be addressing all of them to compare the differences that the role of minorities play in each class, but I'm also assuming that you will be focusing on one in particular to show how strong this difference in in that social class. Other than that, good start and very interesting topic for a research paper!
DeleteI think Jacqueline's suggestion is a greaat one. The simplicity here is nice, but I think I'm also missing some specificity here that could be created by focusing on one class segment.
DeleteThesis:
ReplyDeleteAlthough a lack of access to a quality education is inherent to the lower class, a more significant and pressing problem to their quality of life is the limited access to a healthy and balanced diet
This is good, but I wonder if you could replace "education" with "overall health" or "health care," so you wouldn't have two separate ideas.
DeleteMy working thesis statement:
ReplyDeleteAlthough there are a variety of policies that are likely to substantially improve the academic performance of poor children, the effects of poverty on education is still a serious problem.
Work on narrowing your thesis. Maybe look at how one particular poverty factor (like food insecurity) affects academic performance.
DeleteMy working thesis statement is: While there are many disparities in the American healthcare system among classes, the African American population is especially disadvantaged.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good thesis statement. It does a good job focusing on a narrow part of the larger issue, and creates room for expansion in that area.
DeleteNice and specific!
DeleteMy thesis statement is:
ReplyDeleteAlthough there are many ways to help the immigrant students in America,the problems they are facing is even getting worse due to their ethnicity,religion and economic status.
Make sure that if you are talking about ethnicity and religion, it is from a socioeconomic angle. Also, work on moving away from the listing style of thesis structure.
DeleteMy working thesis is:
ReplyDeleteMisled attitude towards the lower social class in America leads to a prejudice against the homeless and lack of devotion from the public to fix the problem of homelessness.
My topic is very similar to yours, and I think your thesis is very good since it quickly suggests to the reader that they may have misconceptions or prejudices in regards to the homeless.
DeleteI think the ideas here are good, but maybe work on the effectiveness of the wording.
DeleteMy working thesis is:
ReplyDeleteDespite the divide between the homeless and the rest of the American population, informed policies and educating the public can greatly help fix the homeless' unfortunate situation.
This is a good thesis statement. Personally, I like that you say the homeless have misfortune and are not lesser or inept.
DeleteAlex Shank
I wonder if you can focus on certain types of policies/education to make this a bit narrower.
DeleteMy thesis statement is:
ReplyDeleteThe American Dream has been the heart of the United States since its inception, but that dream may be fading rapidly for the lower and middle class.
Alex Shank
The wording here is nice, but how could you make this more narrow? You have two very large classes mentioned. Could you start by focusing on just one? Then could you look for ways to narrow even further, like focusing on one reson for the fading dream?
DeleteMy thesis statement is:
ReplyDeleteIn America, one may view poverty as a scenario someone can move out of, but its detrimental to the health and development of a child for the rest of its life.
Also my favorite Michael Jackson Song is, You Are Not Alone:)
Ah, gotta love a good MJ ballad. Mine is probably the Free Willy theme song, a movie that traumatized my entire generation.
DeleteI like where you're going here, with poverty leaving its mark, but I wonder if you can focus on one specific way it does this to create a more narrow focus.
My thesis statement is:
ReplyDeleteThe majority of American middle class is working class since 1970's. And middle class now is suffering because of unequal distribution of income
Oh I forget MY NAME. my name is Zijun Jiang
DeleteI sometimes forget my name, too ;)
DeleteWhile this is true, this is an example of an argument that not many rational people would disagree with. Try finding a way to make this more specific and original. Maybe think about one factor that might have caused this change.
DeleteMy working thesis is:
ReplyDeleteHigh costs of higher education result from high spending on school administration, high spending on facilities, and lack of government's supports.
Even though I agree with your thesis, it needs to promote more thinking as said in the blog post above, in my opinion.
DeleteSo remember that we want to be moving away from listing thesis statements. Maybe you can focus on how this is affecting students or still focus on the "causes" to the "effect," but in a non-listing way.
DeleteWorking thesis statement:
ReplyDeleteThe lowest class of Americans are often not able to improve their standing due to social and economic realities out of their own control. A certain degree of government intervention could provide access to the resources needed.
Evan McMillin
We want to try to keep our thesis to just one sentence, and we also want to be working toward the most narrow angle possible. Perhaps focus on just one method of government intervention.
DeleteWorking Thesis:
ReplyDeleteThe growing gap between the upper and lower class in America can be attributed in part to the decline of many of America's once great cities.
This is very interesting. You might need to narrow this a bit moving forward (like thinking about manufacturing cities) but I like the idea.
DeleteMy thesis statement is,
ReplyDeleteThe American dream has its foundation in the ability to improve one's social class through hard work, but due to an increasing wage gap, this has become more difficult.
Hm, I think most rational people would agree with this, so think about ways to make this more specific/original, like focusing on one factor that has increased the difficulty.
DeleteMy thesis statement is,
ReplyDeleteThe idea of higher education may seem like an equal opportunity to most, but due to certain qualifications of financial aid, low income students face an annual struggle to fund their education after high school.
Really great specificity!
DeleteMy working thesis is:
ReplyDeleteOver recent years, intergenerational mobility has decreased due to an increase in personal and national debt, an increase in unemployment, and a decrease in personal savings.
Remember that we want to be moving away from listing thesis statements. The three items you have on your list are rather large topics in themselves, so I wonder if you might be able to narrow your argument.
DeleteMy working thesis is:
ReplyDeleteWhile the media makes it seem like poverty in America is not a pressing issue, millions of American citizens struggle with poverty and are ignored by the media and those who can make a difference.
I might think about looking at one type of poverty in America that is particularly ignored by the media. Like right now, Appalachia is getting a lot of attention but places like Native American reservations aren't getting as much attention. This will depend on your primary source, but it seems like KY/WV area is getting a lot of air time right now, possibly at the expense of other areas.
DeleteMy working thesis is :
ReplyDeleteThe child's early education is affected by the social status in different aspects, such as learning methods and social skills
I think the wording could be a little tighter here, but I like the idea!
Delete